Learning to ride a cycle at 26!

Learning to ride a cycle at 26!

Yeah!  You saw that right… I seriously didn’t know how to ride a cycle until a few months ago. I guess it was plainly a mental block that I didn’t find important to work on. But there came a time when I felt from within that I needed to… and so I did! However, it wasn’t easy.

My dad’s only regret in life about me as he couldn’t teach me to ride a cycle. He almost took the onus for it. Whereas on my part, I just kept running away from it for some of the other reasons I wasn’t aware of. I exasperated and averted it whenever I tried. It felt as if I am carrying something heavy and just couldn’t balance how much ever I tried to. I gave up.

As I grew up to be receptive, my approach towards many things changed. I started thinking about why learning to ride a cycle was such a big deal. Fears associate with something always. So for me, cycling meant – balance, taking charge of yourself and the situation, vigilance. This was my attempt to fathom the core. And yes, I noticed that I did resist myself from doing all of this in many aspects of my life as well.

Now awareness was there but still at times you just need a trigger to get going. I didn’t know learning to ride a cycle is going to bring by a lot of things. In this process, I also realized that I actually felt special (not healthy) that I was the rare one who didn’t know how to ride a cycle.

After a year COVID hit us all. I had to come and stay with my parents which was a long time coming. Months had passed and nothing had changed around. My dad then stepped ahead and said, “There is a cycle in the parking lot. We will ask who’s it is and take the permission if we can use it. You can use this time.”. His intention was good. However, I felt pressured and got pissed. My restlessness wasn’t targeted at him but just reflected my insecurity. However, certain emotions are necessary for growth and step out of the comfort zone. There comes a time when you realize nothing will work if you don’t have the will. I finally challenged myself, went to him, and said, “Teach me.” His eyes twinkled with mirth.

My first day – It was a medium height cycle without any extra supporting wheels and had gears. My mom had also come down to prompt me. As my dad was explaining the parts and how to pedal, I was breathing twice my normal rate. I slowly sat up on the seat and my dad held the cycle from behind. When I stood up to balance, I could feel myself shivering, completely numb, eyes dilated… My mom sensed the fear but she chose not to say anything. I was totally exhausted in two rounds.

My second day – I was slightly comfortable sitting on the cycle but still couldn’t balance on my own. My dad had to run behind while I was struggling to find that comfort. I panted whenever I was cycling. I first thought it’s because of the physical force I was putting in; however, I wasn’t tired physically but mentally so, to the extent that I almost fainted after coming back home. I then realized that this is indeed an unknown fear which now I had to power through no matter what. My willingness had increased and I became more determined than ever.

My third day – My dad was guiding me drawing lemniscates with the cycle. I still had to put lot of efforts while pedalling. Just then I realized that my dad had set the gear at ‘6’. I confronted him but he said, “It’s alright. You will do it.”. I was agitated but kept quiet. He always got carried away while teaching me something least realizing that I wasn’t prepared for it. According to him, he felt he is motivating me but for me it was an unnecessary pressure. However, I thought instead of arguing with him, might as well just change the gear.

Just then, my dad was talking to someone from the building and I had to wait patiently for him to finish. I got to relax doing nothing but sitting still. Suddenly, I started to feel dizzy again. I knew I was about to collapse. I gasped; “Pappa”. He thought I was calling him as he was away for a very long time. “I think I am going to faint.”.

I came back home after regaining consciousness. This provoked me to speak to my doctor who by god’s grace is my neighbour. She heard me and said, “If you are really worried, take tests.” I also told her how dad had kept the cycle at high gear. She stood up for me and asked him rhetorically, “What is our goal right now, to work on her strength or her comfort level?” That moment I told myself that I am going to try with a lowest gear possible. I wanted to see myself balance without any help. I just wanted to.

My fourth day – I noticed my walk had been a bit more confident as I really felt I could do it today. I set the gear at ‘2’ and told my dad, “Just see if I can do it independently. But still hold me.”. I pedalled and realized I was going too fast. I just wanted to confirm if I was doing all by myself. And yes! I did. I turned to my dad and he too had a smile on his face. It was an amazing feeling. But I remember I called my mom to come to the balcony to just see the progress. She was ecstatic.

So that’s how it all happened. I continued to ride until I got the hang of it. In this journey, I had to push myself, ended up fainting and what not… but it seems all worth it now.

In due process of time, many personality traits had taken a shift for the better. I started to feel more independent and took onus of extreme situations that came my way which I couldn’t handle before. It is just amazing how the universe works in a way where you work on one aspect of your life and every other aspect falls into place.

What was my fear? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter now. What does, is my will to overcome that hurdle that hampered me in a subtle way and learning to ride a cycle certainly did that.

Thank you for all the love you gave for my previous blog. If you haven’t yet read it, here’s the link https://souloutpourings.com/do-we-need-really-need-role-models-to-grow/